For me to act like the Mitt Romney kind of Republican I’d have to have two faces. One to say this, and one to say the opposite a few minutes later. My head would fall off if I had to swivel it as fast as Mitt Romney swivels his positions.
So, I’ve decided to haunt Mitt Romney until he’s elected president. Every day this month I’ve called the guy and asked him who his vice presidential candidate will be for this great land of ours.
He’s dense as a brick and wouldn’t take my hints to put me on the ticket, so I started dropping names. My former friend Nikki Haley, the governor of South Carolina, would be a 21st century version of me. She’s pretty. She has a great smile, nice legs, a good figure, excellent taste in shoes, and knows when opportunity knocks at her door. Those are prime running mate qualifications.
Romney laughed when I told him to consider Senator Kelly Ayotte of New Hampshire. He was polite and said no, and then mumbled something about having a woman on the Republican ticket is highly overrated.
I don’t know what he meant by that but it’s OK. By tomorrow he’ll have a different perspective.